Dark Dad’s Rebirth - Chapter 14: Madness (3)

Before the night of the banquet, when she returned home late, drenched in the remnants of an argument that had torn them apart.

If only he had been honest then.

If only he had spoken before their emotions burned each other out in cruel, wasteful battles.

When had this feeling begun to take root in him?

How long had he harbored this affection, fumbling through his own pride to demand her acknowledgment?

Why hadn’t he ever been straightforward?

Even if he couldn’t be vulnerable, why had he been so harsh, so unkind? Had he been gentler, just a little less cruel, perhaps—foolishly—she would have opened her heart to him again.

But now, his “I love you” held no weight.

It didn’t pierce her.

It didn’t leave a mark.

His words dissipated into the air, leaving nothing behind.

Tomorrow, Leria’s body would be discarded in the depths of some forest.

Antion and Leon might not even see another dawn if Caelius decided they were no longer useful.

“Riri,” he called softly.

“…”

“I love you.”

His voice, once so commanding, now faltered, betraying his unease. Perhaps he was afraid. Perhaps he was desperate.

“I love you,” he said again, as if repeating it could make it real. “No tricks, no lies. Just the truth.”

“…”

“I love you, Aria.”

The memory of the first time she met Caelius surfaced unbidden in her mind.

Even with his hair and eyes as black as the void, he had shone like no one else.

To her, a girl who had known only the damp, suffocating darkness of a marquess’s attic, Caelius had been a blinding light—a radiant sun she could never touch.

‘Do I regret loving him?’

Caelius was never honest. He held back the words “I love you” far too much. No, it wasn’t just those words he withheld. Even when he said them, in the end, he abandoned me. So cruelly that I couldn’t tell which version of him was the real one.

Aria raised the corners of her lips with a somber expression. Her chest ached. She couldn’t believe the words of love spilling from the Caelius standing before her.

The absence of trust. That was all there was.

That was the reason she could no longer believe the words of the man she once loved.

Caelius’s gaze darkened as if he instinctively realized he wouldn’t hear the response he desired from Aria.

“Riri, I…”

“Daddy, I…”

Just as Caelius hesitantly opened his mouth, Aria immediately interrupted him. She did it on purpose, stopping him from speaking.

“I…”

She didn’t want to hear his pitiful apologies or desperate pleas for her to understand his sincerity. She cut him off deliberately to avoid such things.

“Perhaps you don’t remember… No, you probably don’t…”

“…”

“But I really used to like you, Father.”

Her soft voice echoed gently through the room. Caelius gripped his sword tightly, silently listening to her words.

“I liked you so much… perhaps more than you could ever imagine.”

Aria let out a faint scoff, recalling her younger self.

“To the point where I loved the arrogance and brilliance that radiated from you—not just as a reckless indulgence, but as something innate to who you were as Caelius. I can still vividly remember the day you reached out to me with those dazzling, shining eyes.”

“…”

“Even after spending so much time together, even at the moment you abandoned me, I still wanted to save you, even if it meant being cast aside myself.”

Caelius frowned deeply at her incomprehensible words as if he couldn’t grasp what she was trying to say. Yet Aria continued to speak.

“I loved you so much that I thought I could stay by your side, even if every single one of your sweet words of love was a lie…”

“…”

“But I guess I couldn’t.”

Someone once said something like this:

Love in a healthy way.

They asked, Do you really like the version of yourself that changes when you’re with that person?

Does it feel right when the center of your world revolves around them, when your life takes a backseat to theirs when your mood swings wildly between heaven and hell over their tone of voice, their actions, their slightest gestures? When all you do is long for their affection—does that truly sound like love?

Back then, Aria responded with a question of her own:

What is healthy love?

The answer she received was simple:

If you like the person you become when you’re in love, then it’s healthy love.

Aria closed her eyes, lost in thought.

The version of herself that had loved Caelius in the past. Loving him had brought both joy and suffering.

She’d interpreted meaning from every tiny shift in his expression, from the subtlest changes in his tone. She’d been terrified that he’d grow tired of her, trembling in fear. But then he’d smile warmly and embrace her, and she’d find solace again.

It wasn’t just about Caelius. It was about the gaping void within herself. She’d been too afraid of being abandoned to truly open up to him.

Sometimes, she only remembered the beautiful days they had shared, the days when she smiled brightly, happy and carefree. She missed the version of herself from those moments. But that was all. Aria was afraid of returning to the person she had been during those days.

“I’m sorry, Father. I’m too exhausted to love you anymore. It’s been so hard… and so painful.”

“Riri, what are you saying right now…?”

“Father, where have you been?”

“Don’t leave me alone. I’m scared. Father, are you going to abandon me? Next time, please take me with you.”

“While you were away, I baked lots of cookies for you, Daddy!”

The fleeting sound of a distant, unfamiliar voice made Caelius’s face twist in discomfort. A faint groan escaped between his clenched teeth.

“Daddy, for the sake of the throne… you could remarry, couldn’t you?”

“I don’t want that. If I ever get a stepmother, I’ll kill her.”

His heart thudded—loud and heavy. It felt like a conversation he had once had, long ago. Caelius exhaled deeply, trying to steady his uneven breaths.

“Daddy is all I have. Daddy, I love you.”

Caelius clutched his head and let out a strained groan. What had he said back then?

“Don’t be ridiculous. Riri, I would never bring another woman into my life.”

“I knew it.”

“Even so—”

“Even so, I feel uneasy. Why am I always so anxious? Daddy, are you as worried as I am? I think I’m scared of losing you. I can’t even imagine a life without you.”

“Don’t worry, Riri. I’ll try harder…”

“Am I strange for feeling this way? When you’re not around, I get scared.”

“You’re not strange.”

“Daddy, do you love me even when I’m like this?”

“I love you, no matter what you do. Even if the day comes when you stab a knife into my heart, I’ll still love you, Riri.”

The sudden wave of past memories darkened both Aria’s and Caelius’s expressions.

Aria pitied her foolish, younger self, while Caelius struggled with the confusion of an unfamiliar memory that seemed to have surfaced out of nowhere.

“If you were just going to abandon me like that… you shouldn’t have been so kind to me,” Aria murmured, her voice barely audible.

“You should’ve just treated me as a tool from beginning to end.”

“No, Riri. I…” Caelius’s voice faltered as he instinctively responded, startled by his own outburst. It had come from somewhere deep within him—a desperate cry to explain himself.

But Aria’s gaze was cold, piercing through him.

“Stop it, Daddy.”

“…”

“We’re done now.”

This relationship lacked more than just trust. It also included the absence of any desire to understand him.

No matter what circumstances Caelius had faced, Aria no longer wanted to understand him. She didn’t have the emotional capacity for it anymore. After a moment of contemplation, Aria stared blankly at him before finally speaking.

“Can I ask you one last thing?”

“…It’s not the last,” Caelius replied, twisting his lips into a forced smile.

“Who says it’s the last? If there’s something you want to ask, ask me anytime. Riri, if it’s your question, I’ll answer anything…”

“If—just if—I wanted it, would you be able to give up the throne?”

“…What?”

“The grand duchy, the throne, all of it. Would you be able to abandon your status, your name, and live in a small, secluded village in the southern regions, away from everyone’s eyes? Could you do that?”

Aria’s voice, which had been calm until now, quivered with the threat of tears. Her hands gripped the blanket tightly, and she bit her lower lip hard, lowering her gaze. A hesitant reply came from Caelius.

“Riri, that’s…”

Aria smirked bitterly, raising one corner of her lips.

“So, you can’t, right?”

She knew it was a foolish question. Caelius had been born to rule, destined to ascend to the highest position, to dominate the world. Even after losing everything, he never stopped believing in his rightful place at the top.

For someone like him, giving up everything to live an ordinary life might be worse than dying.

“I’m sorry. That was a ridiculous thing to ask.”

Her gaze shifted coldly to Leria’s lifeless body, lying still. Aria let out a faint sigh and rose from the bed.

“I need to… move to another room.”

“…”

“No matter how indifferent I may be, I have no desire to stay in a room where someone died.”

Caelius instinctively reached out to steady her wobbling steps, but Aria slapped his hand away with a sharp gesture. He froze, unable to extend his hand to her again, watching blankly as she trembled and walked away from him.

She receded further, both physically and emotionally, leaving him behind, helpless and lost.

 

* * *

 

Aria had wanted to believe it was just stress. No, she needed to believe it.

She lay sprawled on the bathroom floor, utterly drained. She had no idea how long she had been retching, emptying her stomach. Not a single ounce of energy remained to even lift a finger.

It had started like any other day—she ate a meal brought by a maid, but suddenly felt a wave of nausea. The sour taste rose up her throat, and before she knew it, she was vomiting uncontrollably.

The real problem, though, was her body. It had been nearly three months since her last monthly cycle.

Aria staggered to her feet, wiped her mouth, and leaned against the sink, panting heavily. She lowered her gaze to her stomach, staring blankly at its flat surface. After a moment, she let out a hollow laugh.

“No… It can’t be…”

No. It’s not possible. It can’t be.

Father said so. Royals can’t have children together.

So it wasn’t possible. It had to be impossible.

A fleeting memory of her first pregnancy surfaced, but Aria forcefully dismissed it. She didn’t want this. She refused to be bound to Caelius in such a way.

“If… if I really am pregnant…”

Then one of them must not be of royal blood.

But who?

“Hah… hahaha… ha…”

Aria’s shoulders shook as a strange, eerie laugh escaped her lips. The sound echoed through the bathroom, a chilling note of despair. How long did her unsettling laughter fill the space? Eventually, her expression froze, hardening into a bitter grimace.

“…Shit.”

Maybe I should just die.

She had clawed her way out of his grasp, determined to find a new life. Yet fate seemed determined to mock her, delivering this cruel twist.

Yes, maybe dying wouldn’t be so bad. A daughter who took her own life while carrying his child.

The thought was absurd. Utterly bleak.

Her gaze shifted to the mirror, where her reflection stared back—haggard, emaciated, and utterly pitiful. It was almost laughable that Caelius, so radiant and perfect, had confessed his love to someone like her.

Even as he begged for her love, he had been flawless.

It was always this way. She was a mess, while he remained brilliant and composed. She wanted to break free from this unbearable cycle.

 

***

 

Though she hadn’t consulted a physician, Aria was almost certain. The signs were too clear—nausea at the smell of food, exhaustion, and sudden cravings for things she had never desired before.

She managed to sip some orange juice and sighed as she leaned back against the headboard of her bed. A maid hovered nearby, glancing at her nervously before speaking.

“Lady Aria, are you feeling unwell?”

Aria rubbed her temples, grimacing at the pounding headache.

She didn’t want Caelius to find out. But the way she couldn’t even keep food down made it obvious that something was wrong, even to the maids.

The girl who served her had been by her side since arriving at the grand duchy, but Aria knew she ultimately answered to Caelius.

If he finds out about this…

He’ll use the child to trap me.

Just the thought made her head throb even more. She forced herself to finish the glass of juice and dismissed the maid.

She needed time. Time to think. Time to rest.

And she silently prayed that the maid wouldn’t run to Caelius to report her condition.

 

***