Saving You, Villain - Chapter 98

In my dreams, Camian looked exactly the same as I remembered him. His flawless, handsome face was unchanged, and his tall, strong physique remained just as it had always been.

We always met in the vastness of space, where stars glowed with their own light.

We didn’t do much when we met. Camian just stood there, quietly watching me, as if bound, unable to move a single finger. In contrast, I was free. I floated weightlessly around him, circling him. Only in his presence did I feel alive, regaining the emotions I had lost.

“Today, Chief Cha brought up marriage again, so I told him that all the men I’ve dated died in accidents. You know I wasn’t talking about you, right?”

“……”

Camian didn’t respond. He just kept his steady gaze on me. I watched him in silence. Then, as it often did, something unbearable rose inside me. Just like now.

“Why won’t you say anything?”

“……”

“Can’t you just say one word? Anything at all?”

Before, I thought just seeing his face would be enough. But now that Camian appeared in my dreams, my desire had grown. I wanted to hear his voice, to have casual conversations with him, to joke around and argue, and make up, just like we used to. I missed every mundane moment we had shared together.

“…Camian, Camian! I’m calling you. Why won’t you answer? Why!”

Tears burst out. My voice trembled unpleasantly.

“I’m so tired. Is this punishment for how much I hurt you? How long will I have to endure this?”

I could hardly bear his silence—how had he endured the cruel words that had come from my mouth? How did he survive all those long years?

“I… sob… I was wrong. I’m sorry I didn’t remember anything. I’m sorry for treating you so badly, for not understanding your feelings. Please… please, just call my name once… hic… just once.”

As my words faded into a quiet sob, I broke down completely, crying like a child. I collapsed in front of him, but the hands that used to lift me up and comfort me stayed motionless, cruelly still.

This wasn’t the time to cry. I needed to look at his face just a little longer. What if Camian grew tired of my tears and stopped coming to me altogether? I gasped for breath through the sobs, trying desperately to stop crying. But the hiccups came, and my breath became irregular.

“Tomorrow… hic… please come see me again. I’ll bring more… fun stories next time, hic.”

I knew I shouldn’t cry, but my heart refused to calm down. Once again, I crumbled in front of him. By the time I finally managed to pull myself together, the familiar sound of my alarm echoed, pulling me back to the prison of reality.

***

Even without Camian by my side, life went on. I got older, climbed the ranks at work, and without any major expenses, my bank account quietly grew. I moved out of my rental apartment and bought my own place. I bragged about it to Camian, as if it were a big achievement.

“You don’t know how hard it is to buy a house in Seoul, do you? You probably never will. It’s like harvesting crops once a month for thirty years instead of once a year… does that comparison make sense? Anyway, it’s that hard, and I did it.”

Camian, as always, just stared at me, expressionless. I hid my disappointment behind a smile.

Time continued to pass. While Camian remained unchanged, my face began to show the signs of aging.

“Camian, don’t be shocked—I became an aunt. My sister-in-law went into labor earlier than expected, and I was so scared, but thankfully both she and the baby are healthy.”

“Today, I bought my nephew a school bag as a gift for starting elementary school. I wanted to get him shoes, clothes, and stationery too, but my sister-in-law refused to accept them, so I only managed to buy the bag.”

“My psychiatrist changed again. How many is it now? Four. The new one is young, and I ended up counseling him during our session. He was so nervous, so I made tea for him and held his hand.”

“These days, my knees and back ache for no reason. I should have started exercising when I was younger.”

As I shared my stories with the unchanging Camian, I glanced down at my hands. Wrinkles that hadn’t been there before now covered the backs of them. How did I appear to Camian now?

Whenever I entered the dream world to meet Camian, I became Liv Klein at twenty-two again. The changes in my heart and body clashed within me. I knew that the young, lovestruck girl who couldn’t sleep from excitement over a mere touch was a thing of the past, but in his presence, I couldn’t help acting like that girl once more.

And now, I wasn’t even Liv Klein anymore—I was Heewon Lee. Feeling awkward, I rubbed my cheek.

“I used to wish you’d appear in my dreams forever. I’d get so anxious, wondering what I’d do if you stopped coming, that I couldn’t even eat. But these days…”

I paused, taking a breath, and looked up at Camian’s well-defined features. I reached out to touch his face, but it was like reaching for air—no sensation met my hand.

These days…

I wish you were just a hallucination.

I wish I had some incurable mental illness that caused me to endlessly conjure up your image.

I carefully muttered the words in my heart. I wished Camian were an illusion, but after more than thirty years of seeing him every single day in my dreams, I couldn’t believe he was merely a figment of my imagination.

“Oh, I hear the alarm again. See you tomorrow, Camian.”

Ten more years passed, and then another ten, yet Camian remained the same. I, on the other hand, spoke less and less, often just sitting quietly and staring at him before waking up. Camian in my dreams became like a faded photograph. Instead of looking forward to a future with him, I found myself reminiscing, as if he were part of a distant past.

“My mother passed away. They say it was a peaceful death in her sleep, so they’re calling it a good passing. It’s been exactly a year since my father died, and I can’t help but wonder if my father, ever the devoted husband, called for her to join him early. I’m at the funeral home now, but before my nephews come to wake me, let’s just quietly look at each other like this.”

The last moments of my life as Heewon Lee were approaching. Having faced death many times before, I instinctively knew that this time, when I fell asleep, I was heading for eternal rest.

Even in my final dream, Camian appeared.

“Even now, when I stand before you, I still feel like Liv Klein, the twenty-two-year-old me. But my hands, my face—they’re full of wrinkles. Who would’ve thought I’d live this long? Honestly, I wanted to die so many times, but I held on, terrified that if I did, I wouldn’t even be able to see you in my dreams. Sometimes, I make a decision—to endure just one more day even when life feels unbearable, even though it feels like the despair will never end…”

“…….”

My vision grew blurrier by the second. I squeezed my eyes shut, then slowly reopened them, trying to focus.

“But still, if you keep living, sometimes—just sometimes—you find yourself smiling for real, even if only faintly.”

“…….”

“Camian, you didn’t fail. In the end, you kept me alive.”

My body felt heavier, sinking into a calm lethargy. As my focus faltered again, it seemed like heat waves shimmered around Camian’s figure. I inhaled deeply, desperately trying to capture his face in my memory.

“This is the last time. Really, the last time… Won’t you say my name?”

He didn’t answer. I hadn’t cried since my nephew was born, but today, like a foolish twenty-two-year-old Liv, tears streamed down my face. Still, I didn’t sob like a child. Instead, I smiled faintly.

“You must hate me a lot.”

“……”

“I’m sorry, Camian. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Never forgive me, not for the rest of your life.”

After whispering those final words, I sank into eternal darkness. Death was no longer unfamiliar.

***

I drifted aimlessly through the vast expanse of space, my limbs stretched out like a starfish. For a long time. Strangely, I didn’t find it boring. In fact, I felt so comfortable that I wanted to stay here forever. Where was I floating? Sometimes I wondered, but like a candle flame before the wind, the thought soon flickered and died.

I relaxed, watching the softly glowing stars pass me by, their colors mixing in slow, deliberate swirls. I closed my eyes. Then, suddenly, something hard clamped down around my ankles. I stopped floating, held in place. What’s this? I tried twisting my ankles to shake it off, but whatever was holding me fit perfectly, leaving no room for escape.

Reluctantly, I sat up.

“……!”

I had imagined cold, metallic shackles around my ankles, but what I saw surprised me.

It was… me.

The twenty-two-year-old Liv Klein. Her bony, thin fingers, as fragile as winter branches, clung to me. It was absurd to have such thoughts now that I was dead, but she looked like a corpse—her skin as hard as stone, as cold as ice, and as pale as death. She was like a body freshly unearthed from a grave.

Though the sight of my younger self was strange, it didn’t scare me. Without resisting, I let her hold on to my feet, gazing at her with a curious sense of detachment. Why was she holding me back? Was there a reason I couldn’t continue drifting?

Suddenly, I felt intense heat behind me. Before I could turn to look, a powerful beam of light wrapped around my body, pulling me tight.

“Ugh!”

The force pulling me from behind was immense. I thought I’d be dragged away, but the grip on my ankles kept me rooted in place. Though I felt no pain, the overwhelming pressure of being pulled and constrained was vivid.

“…Stop.”

Whether Liv Klein would let go of my ankles or the light would release me, I wished one of them would give up. But neither did. I was stuck between them, unable to move, trapped by forces beyond my control.

The tug-of-war between Liv Klein and the light seemed to go on forever. How much time passed? There was no way to know, but it felt as if the struggle had lasted as long as the age of the Earth.

In the end, after what seemed like an eternity, the battle was decided. The light behind me was the one to relent. It released its hold and retreated quickly, vanishing to the farthest reaches of space.

I let out a deep sigh of relief. Though Liv Klein, the ghostly version of me, had won, there was no trace of triumph or satisfaction in her expression.

“Congratulations. You won.”

The words had barely left my mouth when Liv Klein’s body began to disintegrate, like grains of sugar scattering in the air.

“What?”

The hands that had seemed determined never to let go turned into tiny specks of light, dissolving into the atmosphere. Soon, her entire form fragmented, and those specks rushed toward me, engulfing my vision. The previously calm space was suddenly overtaken by a violent gust of wind. A fierce, howling noise rang in my ears as the wind whipped around me, unsettling and chaotic.