The One Who Won't Be Abandoned - Chapter 13

That evening, we ended up eating potatoes roasted over the fire—again. The potatoes, warm against the chill of the mountain night, might have been comforting under different circumstances, but I was utterly sick of them. The tasteless, monotonous meal stuck in my throat, making each bite feel like a struggle.

“Ugh, I’m so sick of these stupid potatoes,” I muttered irritably, forcing the dry chunks down.

Potatoes were easy to cook, whether boiled or roasted, so they had become our mainstay. But for someone like me, who had grown up in the Kaiman estate dining on lavish meals spiced with the finest seasonings, eating nothing but bland potatoes felt like torture.

Hearing my complaint, Andre glanced at me nervously before cautiously asking, “…Do you want to go back to the village?”

“Of course, I want to go back.”

“What would you do there?”

“What else? I’d find a job and start making money.”

“What if I asked you to go somewhere else with me?”

At that moment, I realized why Andre had been trailing me so persistently, spouting his odd remarks lately. He wanted to leave this land entirely—and he was too afraid to go alone, so he wanted me to accompany him.

I recalled the restless, uneasy way Andre had been acting over the past few days, constantly seeking my attention. It had been irritating, no doubt, but it would be a lie to say I didn’t feel sorry for him. That sympathy was why I couldn’t bring myself to outright reject him, no matter how clingy he became.

Leaving the land I had lived in all my life wouldn’t be an easy decision, but Kaiman was already gone—burned to the ground by the searing flames of destruction. I had no attachment left to this place, and leaving would probably bring me peace of mind.

Still, I had no intention of starting that new chapter with Andre. My sympathy for him was one thing, but this was something else entirely.

As I stared down at the potato in my hand, lost in thought, I lifted my gaze to meet Andre’s. His anxious eyes bore into me, filled with worry as he awaited my response.

I opened my mouth to deliver a cold, definitive answer, but my mind betrayed me. The memory of Andre trembling as he clung to me in the village, begging me not to leave him, flashed vividly in my mind. I had known, even then, that his plea was a desperate cry for me to stay by his side and not abandon him.

I felt a tidal wave of conflicting emotions churn within me, as if my chest and mind had been filled with turbulent water, sloshing and swirling chaotically. It left me feeling seasick, unsettled, and profoundly uncomfortable.

As my silence dragged on, Andre’s unease visibly grew. He wasn’t stupid—he must have sensed my hesitation and the rejection hidden in my silence. His blue eyes, filled with hurt and sorrow, were hard to look at. Unable to bear the sight, I averted my gaze, turning instead to the crackling flames of the campfire.

“Do you want to leave for another village?” I asked, avoiding giving a direct answer to his earlier question.

Andre bit his lower lip hard, hesitating before sighing and replying, “If you’ll come with me.”

“Where do you want to go?”

“Anywhere.”

Well, wherever he went, it would be unfamiliar and lonely, so the destination likely didn’t matter much to him. The same went for me.

“But at least you’ve traveled a lot before, so it’d be easier for you than for me. The farthest I’ve been is just to the lower village,” I said.

Andre had traveled to regions where his maternal relatives lived and to various well-known resorts. During those trips, he was usually accompanied by his mother, and my mother, who was her lady-in-waiting, often went along as well.

I, on the other hand, never got to go. My mother was too busy attending to her duties to look after me during those trips. Still, I liked it when she went, because she always came back with her hands full of gifts, most of which ended up being for me.

“Now that I think about it, I don’t think you ever came along on those trips. The other servants took turns going, but not you,” Andre said, finally realizing something so obvious.

I held back the retort on the tip of my tongue and simply answered, “By the time I was old enough for my mother not to have to worry about me, my father had started getting sick. You know, right? How my father suffered from illness for a long time before he passed?”

“Yeah, I know.”

“I was the one who mainly took care of him. That’s why I couldn’t go on any trips.”

In truth, if we had wanted to, we could have easily hired a nurse to take care of him. My mother’s wages and the financial support my father received from the head of the Kaiman estate for his long service were more than sufficient to cover medical costs.

But I insisted on taking care of him myself.

My father had collapsed suddenly one day, and when he regained consciousness, he found himself unable to move half his body. He was young, and the sudden paralysis devastated him. I saw him crumble under the weight of despair, sobbing in a way I never thought possible. That was the first and only time I had ever seen my father break down.

He was a jovial, spirited man and the most family-oriented person I had ever known. While others often went to drink with friends, my father always came straight home to be with us. On his days off, he’d take me to the mountains or the fields for picnics, where we’d share lunch while enjoying the scenery.

My father fought his illness for over two years before passing away. In his final weeks, he couldn’t even sit up properly. Taking care of him hadn’t been easy, but if I had to do it all over again, I would. As many times as it took—just to see him again.

As I thought of my father, my expression grew dark. Andre noticed and shuffled closer to me on his hands and knees.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly.

“What are you sorry for?”

“For making you think of sad memories.”

I took one hand off the potato I was holding and patted Andre on the head. Potato crumbs transferred to his blonde hair, but I pretended not to notice.

“It’s okay. It’s only a little sad. My father passed away with a smile on his face,” I said, offering a small, reassuring smile.

Andre’s face filled with curiosity.

“Someone can smile as they die?”

“Of course. If they’ve lived a good life, they can die smiling.”

At first, my father was devastated, shedding tears of despair. But before long, he regained his vigor, proving himself to be the strongest person I had ever known.

During that time, my mother used all the money she had saved to buy him a gift—a wheelchair, the kind only wealthy people could typically afford. My father quickly adapted to life in a wheelchair and soon rediscovered his zest for life.

In fact, he spent more time playing with me than I did taking care of him. Sitting on his lap, we would roll down gentle slopes together, laughing loudly as we went. The sound of our laughter from those days still echoed clearly in my ears.

“So, you see, they’re not sad memories—they’re happy ones. You should live your life the same way, so you don’t have any regrets when it’s time to go,” I said, smiling gently.

“I’m not going to die,” Andre replied stubbornly.

“Everyone dies someday.”

“Then, when I die, I’ll take you with me.”

“What? Why me?”

His abrupt declaration sent a shiver down my spine. It wasn’t just the words but the dead-serious expression on his face that made it all the more unsettling. I leaned away from him, as if trying to physically distance myself, and stared at him like he was insane.

“Why on earth would you drag me along when you die?”

“Because you said you’d stay by my side. You made a promise.”

His response was shamelessly matter-of-fact, as if what he was saying was the most natural thing in the world.

“Excuse me? People can’t just…”

“They say if you break a promise, you’ll end up in hell after you die,” he interrupted, his tone unyielding.

“That’s ridiculous… And for the record, that promise was temporary. It only applied to the trip from the village to the mountain.”

“What? Are you messing with me right now?”

The absurdity of the situation was mine to bear, yet Andre was the one losing his temper. The warm atmosphere between us cooled rapidly.

He even threw the potato he’d been holding onto the ground in frustration, calling me a liar. I let out a bitter laugh, annoyed but also genuinely baffled. Sure, I was sick of eating potatoes too, but wasting one like that still rubbed me the wrong way.

“Why are you throwing the potato?!”

“Because you lied to me!”

“So what, am I supposed to spend the rest of my life cleaning up after you until the day you die? You’re so selfish, do you know that?”

“You’re the one who said you’d stay with me! You promised!”

Andre was trembling with anger like I’d betrayed him on the deepest level imaginable. He was completely out of his mind—or at least, that’s how it seemed to me. But I knew if I backed down now, he’d use this ridiculous promise as a leash to tie me down again. So I stood my ground.

“Calm down. You’re so worked up you’re not thinking straight right now.”

“Not thinking straight? You’re the one who broke your promise, and I’m supposed to stay calm?!”

“Because you’re the one who keeps spouting nonsense about taking me with you when you die!”

Andre yelled again, accusing me of being a liar and insisting I’d end up in hell. The argument escalated into a full-blown shouting match, with neither of us willing to give an inch.

In the end, we didn’t make up and went to bed still furious at each other, our tempers simmering in the silence of the night.

* * *

I was crouched in the yard of the cabin, spending some peaceful time with Dark Cloud.

“Dark Cloud, listen to me. Andre has completely lost his mind. You can’t ever turn into someone like that, okay?”

Dark Cloud twitched its ears as it chewed on grass. It was so cute I could have screamed, but my mood was too heavy, and all I could manage was a deep sigh.

Even though we had fought, there was only one bed, so Andre and I had slept back-to-back, just like that first night on the dirt floor. My restless mind made it hard to sleep, and it seemed Andre had the same problem, tossing and turning for hours.

“What am I supposed to do with him?”

My eyes stung. Andre was someone I couldn’t abandon, yet at the same time, I couldn’t fully embrace him either.

I knew how hard it would be for Andre to survive in this world alone. That’s why I had stayed with him in this desolate mountain all this time.

But I didn’t want to give him the false hope that we’d spend the rest of our lives together. Because that wasn’t going to happen.

“Don’t even go near Andre. His stubbornness might rub off on you,” I warned Dark Cloud.

As if it understood, Dark Cloud nodded slightly while munching on a long blade of grass.

“Good boy, my sweet Dark Cloud.”

When I patted his back in praise, his fluffy little tail quivered with happiness.

Having fallen asleep just before dawn after a sleepless night, I woke up late in the afternoon. Andre was nowhere to be found. He had probably gone deep into the forest, somewhere he hadn’t ventured in a while.

“Honestly, what kind of nonsense is that…”

I muttered to myself, still baffled by Andre’s absurd talk about taking me with him when he dies or insisting I stay by his side forever.

Of course, I wasn’t oblivious to the loneliness behind his words. How desolate and uncertain must life feel when you have no one to lean on? How terrifying and isolating must it be? I knew those feelings well—I wasn’t in much of a different situation myself.

But last night, I couldn’t bring myself to offer even a hollow reassurance. I was afraid of Andre clinging to me even more desperately than before.