To You Who Will Destroy Me - Chapter 169

“Leave? Me?”

Instead of answering, Irel looked at Varkan. It was clear he had already guessed the situation from the beginning. Whether he liked it or not, he was a man with sharp intuition.

The reason he hadn’t told her was obvious.

‘How do I avoid being hated by you?’

Against the backdrop of the endless snowy mountains, like a final flame, he had muttered. It was clear that he remembered the words Irel had said to him before.

‘Just one thing, please. Don’t let anything bad happen to my family. Please.’

Because if something does, I don’t think I’ll be able to forgive you. I won’t be able to smile at you like I have been, as if it couldn’t be helped.

But the worst had come after all. Her father, Calver, had been seriously injured. It was the first bloodshed because of her in the Elorance family.

Although Calver had been in the front lines for a long time and managed to survive, what about next time? Would he be as lucky then? How long would she have to live on edge, constantly fearing the worst?

‘What could I have done differently?’

No matter how many times she thought back, there was only one choice. She had to choose Varkan. But just because she avoided the worst didn’t mean it was the best.

Look at where things stood now. Choosing him hadn’t changed much. Her life was still in constant danger, just as it was before. The only difference was that the one holding the sword had shifted from Varkan to King Phenosos.

Even so, Irel believed in Varkan. She trusted him to protect her family from harm.

But they were at the northern front, far, far away from the capital. This gave King Phenosos plenty of opportunities to strike. Realizing this, Irel’s face went pale.

“Rel.”

Varkan called her name softly, his lips scarcely moving. He didn’t repeat the question of whether she would leave. But even in the brief utterance of her name, she could tell.

‘He’s waiting for my answer.’

In the moonlight, Varkan’s face looked darker and more dangerous than ever. His golden eyes, glowing fiercely in place of the moon, bore down on her, trapping her in their gaze.

“Varkan, I…”

Irel stammered as she met his unblinking stare.

“I need time.”

Yes, that was it. The idea that Calver’s injury was her fault was still just a suspicion. She needed to find out exactly what had happened to her father, who had injured him, before she could make any judgment.

Moreover, whoever was behind this had clearly failed. Her father was badly hurt but still able to walk, talk, and eat. In the worst-case scenario, they might attempt again until they succeed.

That was something she had to prevent at all costs.

‘Nothing is certain yet. So, I can’t jump to conclusions.’

Her mind was in chaos, like a tangled thread unraveling rapidly. But amidst the confusion, she knew she had to make the best decision possible.

And for that, she needed time. Time to gather the facts, verify everything, and think carefully about the best decision for everyone.

“…Time?”

But it seemed Varkan had interpreted her words differently. His voice echoed sorrowfully in the cold northern night as he repeated what she said.

Yes, it was as though he was sad. In fact, it was closer to an agony that tore right through the center of his chest. His heart, already splitting open, made a creaking, tearing sound as if his entire world was slowly collapsing.

Only then did he realize what he had wanted—he had hoped Irel would reassure him that she wouldn’t leave him, just like when they had first started this strange love affair.

The unfamiliar anxiety and the thought of losing her were already driving him mad. And the worst part was that this pain was just beginning.

If it hurts this much now, what will I do if you actually leave?

Varkan could already feel it. If she left him, he would completely lose his mind. He might go berserk, his heart exploding from rage and sorrow. Perhaps he would find solace in death.

But he knew he wouldn’t die so easily. His tenacity for life was too strong. Instead, the overwhelming fury he would feel would surely be directed somewhere.

‘Irel Elorance.’

My spring, my flame. I’ve always known. You’re so precious and extraordinary that you might one day destroy me.

‘If that’s the case, then…’

At that moment, his eyes, filled with madness, began to gleam dangerously. But just then, he felt a soft, small sensation in his outstretched hand.

“Varkan.”

Irel called out to him like a sigh and gently took his hand.

“You’re hot-tempered, and you hate being patient. You don’t even need to be, really. But for me, can’t you try to be a little more patient?”

Her gentle voice scolded him lightly, as her fingers curled around his. The sensation of her soft fingers brushing his palm tickled. Surprisingly, that small touch momentarily halted the collapse of his world.

“I’m not saying I’m leaving. I just need time to think about this situation. You understand what I mean, right?”

Her words, and the way she said them, cast a small ray of light into the darkness in his heart. Although she hadn’t promised to stay, it was enough to stop him from completely losing control.

“…Understood.”

He finally regained his composure and spoke. His usually calm and confident voice was now slightly cracked.

“Since I’ve promised my future to you, your family is my family too.”

There had been a time when he considered killing them. They had openly opposed the engagement, insulting him and his mother’s origins right to his face. And when Irel insisted on the match, they had even tried to imprison or secretly remove her from his reach.

If Irel had ever made a single wrong choice, Varkan would have killed them all. It was his way—to burn down anything that stood in his path. If he couldn’t have something, it was better that it be destroyed in flames.

But Irel was the only thing that could stop him. She was the one and only restraint on him.

She was like a small sprout growing out of barren, scorched earth—something so precious and unique that he would melt his very self to protect it.

And it was her family who had raised her into the person she had become.

“So, I will protect them. Even if it costs me my life.”

Varkan whispered, running his hand over his face. His very ignition point had already been set by her. Therefore, there were no other options for him.

If Irel left his world, it would never ignite again. It would go cold, forever extinguished.

***

Where should she start her investigation? Irel pondered this carefully.

The quickest way would be to ask the person involved, but Calver wouldn’t tell her anything. That left investigating the people around him.

‘Should I try talking to Lieutenant Mina?’

No, that wouldn’t work. Mina had worked alongside Calver for a long time, so she was surely cautious and well-mannered. If Irel tried to prod without any solid information, it would only make Mina more wary.

And it wasn’t as if she could approach someone like Masaka, or Sahar, whom she didn’t even know. Even if she did manage to meet them, they wouldn’t discuss sensitive matters with a stranger like her.

It felt like a dead end. But there’s always a way if you search for it. After thinking for a while, Irel found a more approachable target.

“Excuse me.”

“Yes? How can I help you, my lady?”

She called out to the knight who had guided her to the observation deck on her first day here. He turned his head casually, but when their eyes met, he looked surprised.

[Milo Bran: Current Affection Level 65]

For someone she wasn’t very close to, the affection level was surprisingly high. Though he hadn’t shown it the day before with Varkan by her side, it was clear that Milo thought she was beautiful. He was young, and despite trying to avoid staring, his eyes kept darting towards her.

“You’re Sir Milo, right?”

Irel glanced at the system message showing his name and spoke to him with a friendly tone. His eyes widened in response.

“How do you know my name…?”

“My father spoke highly of you. He said you have a promising future ahead.”

“The duke said that?”

Milo was visibly moved, covering his mouth in amazement. Seeing his sparkling eyes, Irel realized something.

‘Ah, another one of my father’s admirers…’

It seemed Calver was well-respected, especially by other men. Even the royal envoy Juan had been a big fan of her father.

‘Does he have some special way of winning men over?’

It was a bit enviable. Whatever the case, the admiration carried over to Irel, as Milo was now extremely polite and favorable towards her.

“So, how may I help you, my lady? Is there something I can do for you?”

His eagerness to assist her was endearing, and Irel, who had been waiting for this moment, jumped at the chance.

“Well, I was wondering… where can I go to check the inventory of the supply warehouse? There are some things I need to replenish for the trip.”

“Ah, well…”

Just as she suspected, Milo scratched the back of his head awkwardly. He had already gotten lost trying to guide her and Varkan to the observation deck on the first day.

The reason was obvious.

“I’m sorry. As I mentioned before, I haven’t been stationed here for long.”

“Oh, I see.”

Irel let out a small sigh of disappointment, feigning it lightly. Then, as if she had just thought of it, she asked casually.

“By the way, how did you end up being assigned here?”

It wasn’t common to have personnel rotations in such a remote region.